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Otherwise, we are just a happy, sophisticated, cultured, cosmopolitan couple.

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Millard Fillmore fans, and those looking for a great deal on a new car.

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Why no desire for a new vehicle? You can learn a lot about how to behave from an old truck.

An old truck empowers those around it, as we all should do. With four side-windows that each go all the way down - far enough down to wake Ralph Nader with night-terrors - mine trusts my family and me not to ride around like Labradors, with our heads out the windows.

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As of press time, all noggins remain attached. An old truck is nonjudgmental, accepting its passengers just as they are, not as it would have them be. I engage my safety belt, but not because my truck pings me with sonar from the moment I sit down.

Like a wise teacher, it keeps a respectful silence, giving me time to make the right decision for myself.

In gratitude, I buckle up. Speaking of gratitude, an old truck like mine encourages it, through its dashboard cassette player.

This technology calls to mind how luxurious streaming really is. Then I explain what a mix-tape is. With a stinting turning radius, an old truck teaches patience.

Docking Lookking boat is simpler than the five-point turn required by parking spaces which, like jeans, seem to get skinnier every day. So I learn to be patient.

With myself, in a world that demands instant gratification. With others whose five-point turns, pressnt unseen by me, are no less real. The truth is, my truck is more precious to me without all the bells and whistles.

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Unadorned, it channels the untamed spirit of John Mj. Can you see the Duke using a backup camera? My truck is paid for, and it always gets me from A to B.

What else do I really need? Lewis, who keeps me on the car-buying sideline this weekend.

That seals it for me. You can do what you want, Pilgrim.